When the GOP took the Senate in a disturbing yet predictable red and purple state election cycle, liberals and moderates worried that with our only defense of the absolute insanity of the right-wing being the White House that the President’s last two years would be wrought with disappointment and riddled with vetoes. Within a couple of weeks, a revitalized Barack Obama took to the task of governing, and decided that if congress was determined to continue sitting on their hands doing nothing, he would move the country forward himself.
The result was a calmer, cooler President with little to lose, taking what would normally be a lame duck half-term and turning it into a history making, GOP butthurt-causing time to point at them and laugh.
Stupidity, bigotry, ignorance and hate would not win.
This past week is the epitome of shame for the right. Not only did their nemesis, the black man in the White House, get to see his signature healthcare law cemented down by the Supreme Court, the actions of one of their own unspeakably evil conservatives led to the demise of a century and a half old racist symbol that adorned government buildings, courtyards, and monuments throughout the south.
When the Supreme Court came out Friday in support of same-sex marriage, Republicans saw not only one of their most popular things to hate legalized, they saw it legalized under President Obama.
History will be kind to this President for all of his accomplishments.
So now the crying begins, and so it has. Every piece of garbage bigot from the Attorney General of Oklahoma to the insignificant losers who inhabit the conservative underbelly of Facebook and all turds in between are out in force, stomping their feet like toddlers because they didn’t get their way. It’s hilarious to watch.
Rather than try to address them with reason, calmly explain that not every issue is about Jesus or offer rational explanations as to why they need to STFU, I have a better idea. It’s been a tough week. They’ll need things to keep themselves occupied. Between the loss of the confederate flag, the Obamacare ruling, and the abundance of rainbows on social media in support of the now completely legal gay marriage, we need to keep these freaks from reaching for their guns and calling for an insurrection.
Here’s a list of 5 things right-wing bigots can do to keep their minds off of being such losers.
5. Wear your confederate flag as a cape and run around your neighborhood naked.
Tell your neighbors that if them gays can get married, you can run around naked. Gays and naked are the same thing. You can also date your pets or read Hustler to children, because those are also the same thing as gay. While you’re in jail you can contemplate why you’re so stupid.
4. Stock your bunker with gay-approved foods and Obamacare-approved ammunition.
Westword lists the most gay-friendly foods to be Starbucks, Pepsi, Cheerios, Betty Crocker and Oreos. Nobody cares if you can’t survive a decade of revolution on those things, since nobody cares if you survive a decade of revolution. Obamacare-friendly ammunition is actually very ammosexual friendly. You can stock virtually anything you want, because when you shoot your foot off cleaning your assault rifle you’ll alright. Stupidity is a pre-existing condition, but don’t worry, you’re covered.
3. Re-fashion all of your American flags into confederate flags.
If you inventory all of your flags, shirts, seat covers, beach towels, boxer shorts, blankets and sheets you probably have enough American flag to build yourself quite a few confederate flags. Not one of the official flags of the confederacy, mind you, the Virginia battle flag that isn’t racist because people don’t know it’s REAL history. You know, other than it was adopted by the Klan and the Nazis to represent white supremacy. Don’t worry about destroying your American flags to create more southern pride; nobody considers you American anyway.
2. Invent new and exciting ways to hate stuff.
You Christian righties love that whole Leviticus thing, why not read the rest of it? It’s chock full of forbidden things to hate. Did you know your tattoo is just as forbidden as homosexuality? That’s right, this would be a great time to re-purpose all of your loser “down with Obamacare” and “marriage is between a man and a woman” signs and use them to picket tattoo shops. If you look really hard at the laws of God you’ll find good reason to punish or kill your slave, beat your wife, rape your daughter, and sacrifice your goat. On second thought, leave the poor goat out of this.
1. Put down your phone, turn off your TV, go outside and enjoy the fresh air.
The internet and TV news are not going to be kind to you today. You’re just gonna find yourself all white knuckled with veins popping out of your fivehead as you watch the reports that you’re a loser and your “values” are a load of crap. Nobody cares what you think anymore except your neighbor, who lives in a trailer home remarkably like the one you inhabit. Perhaps the two of you can get together and dig a hole to bury what’s left of your dignity as you realize the nation has moved forward without you.
These are, of course, just suggestions. You right-wing losers are welcome to continue hating any way you like, just as long as you don’t go all freakshow and start showing up at malls ready to kill people in the name of Jesus and morality.
Or you could rainbow your profile picture, let go of the hate, join an ever-evolving and progressive society and embrace diversity. Is that really too much to ask?
Featured image: Charles Topher
And while you were all distracted by this bullshit he got the TPP fast track through as well.
Still, far better to let pass the last vestiges of hope and freedom than miss a chance to posture and wave your dicks at your identical twins in the GOP. Way to keep those priorities straight. Good job, shitheads!
The authors really need to start double checking their work before they post it. While I do agree with the overall point of this article, the name calling and juvenile attitude used is embarrassing.
Valid point, but you must be new to this site…lol.
Not that we want to imitate them, but have you seen the RIGHT-WING websites?
There is no need and no sense to be polite to these Confederate flag waving bigots…they know this flag’s predominant meaning is “segregation now, segregation tomorrow, and segregation forever”…. they just don’t care that it is deeply offensive to white people with brains…oh, and blacks too.
Ignorant schmucks who want to flaunt that hateful flag in front of loyal Americans should be called what they are - ignorant schmucks. Oh sure, generally we should always be more polite than to share our disgust with them openly…..but we can’t get through to them by being nice, they greet the president with “welcome to twitter ni**er”, so they don;t deserve any courtesy which they constantly deny to everyone else.
Rub it in.
Even Republican southern politicians recognize that this flag now has more harm than benefit to them these days, after courting the bigot vote for generations…..
The Confederate flag is now thoroughly admitted to be a symbol of bigotry, Obamacare wins again this time in a 6 to 3 decision, and gay marriage is ruled legal in all 50 states CONSTITUTIONALLY!
It’s no wonder we can’t reach any compromise in this country’s government. Both parties are so polarized and radicalized that compromise will be nearly impossible for years to come. Unfortunately, it will take a real tragedy or disaster to pull us together as Americans…if it will not be too late.
So, go to facebook and pick out the most ignorant rant you can find about the Confederate flag, and try to start a conversation with the person about the issue. Then after you waste that time, come back and tell the rest of us how we should talk to these people. I don’t know the answer. As far as I can tell, you can’t have reasonable discussions with these people. But, we, who are not right-wing extremist, science-denying, history-denying, and fact-resistant are somehow equally at fault. Ok, I got it.
I’m sorry, but the “both parties are at fault” just doesn’t cut it anymore. Republicans have moved so far to the right to appease their base, there is just no comparison. Republican leaders are calling for states to refuse to obey the Supreme Court ruling. James Inhofe brought a snowball to the Senate floor to “prove” that global warming is a hoax. Republicans have consistently blocked EVERY piece of legislation that Obama came out in favor of, including several jobs bills that would have helped a lot of people struggling with the economic meltdown. Republicans keep trying to gut programs that help the poor, insisting that we cannot afford them, yet they give more and more tax breaks amounting to BILLIONS of dollars to millionaires and billionaires. They constantly try to find creative ways to teach religion in place of science - while cutting funding for education. They refuse to budge on universal background checks for gun purchases, even though 92% of the people support it, including a majority of Republicans.
Trying to make the case that the Democrats are just as far to the left is simply laughable.
Mmmmmm! Oreos!
You’re probably familiar with the history of people getting on “soap boxes”, but that’s pretty much one of the things social media has given people in a different way these days. Sure, it feels good to rant….I do it to, but just like before, I doubt I’m changing anybody’s opinions. lol
I agree Jim Trebowski! FB and the Internet provide people a level of anonymity and distance that to me encourages ranting. I’m guilty, too! Thanks for your reply.
Nobody has banned the Confederate flag - which really is NOT the Confederate flag, it is the the battle flag of Northern Virginia. The person who designed the flag stated that it represented the superiority of the white race over the inferior negro race. The flag only became popular when the KKK started using it as one of their symbols. So, YES, it DOES represent racism.
But you can still buy it. Most people just feel that the GOVERNMENT should not be flying the flag because it legitimizes racism. What Walmart and eBay decide to do is their own business. No law has been or will be enacted that bans the display of that flag on private property or prevents retailers from selling it. I’m sure that if there is a demand for that flag, it will be available at many, many stores as well as online.
And, YES, I do believe that religious people have rights. No churches will be forced to perform gay marriages, or admit gays as members. Churches can do whatever they like, it is their right under the First Amendment. What I DO have a problem with is granting individuals - especially government employees - the right to discriminate because of their so-called sincerely held religious beliefs. Where was the outrage from clerks who have to process marriage licenses for straight couples who are on their second, third or fourth marriages? What about people with tattoos? Leviticus says tattoos are sinful as well. The religious right only lost their minds when it came time for gay people to have their rights. That is discrimination and hatred, pure and simple, NOT a “sincerely held” religious belief.
Josh, I do agree for some people, the Confederate Flag or the battle flag of Northern VA does indeed represent racist views, but for others, it does not. I like that you support 1A rights, and I agree that any religious group should not be given the power to dictate what happens to the entire population, otherwise, we are no better than the Taliban, hey?
Ok, playing devil’s advocate, if someone believes in that. 😉 I found this post on FB, but I do not know who authored it, unfortunately. What do you think of this?
“Let the Gays get married.
Let the rednecks have guns.
Let Atheists be Atheists, and the Christians be Christians.
America’s about freedom.
Freedom to live now you please and be happy with your life.
So smoke a bowl, shoot your guns, cuss a lot, praise Jesus,
and wish the two fellas next door a happy honeymoon.”
sorry, i have no guns and no superstitions, but i’m down with the others
doesn’t sincere bigotry count for something?
Republican?
Can’t wait until you figure this out.
“It is amazing that people who think we cannot afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, and medication somehow think that we can afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, medication and a government bureaucracy to administer it.”
― Thomas Sowell
Geez, so this is one of the liberal sewer holes I’ve heard about. You people are just as angry, bitter, and loony sounding as what you portray conservatives to sound like. As the liberal demographic, by definition you think you are better than others… but you’re not.