It now seems like there are more Republican candidates for President than there have been actual presidents in US History. In fact, I think at this point we should just keep a list of people who aren’t running for the GOP candidacy, or just wait for zombie Ronald Reagan to announce and call it a day. Well, the clown car just became a clown bus now that occasional New Jersey Governor and Professional Youtube Screamer Chris Christie plans on entering the race this Tuesday. And I thought I hit the comedy jackpot with Donald Trump?
Let’s face it, folks-Christie has been running for president ever since he donned that hideous fleece during Superstorm Sandy and performed like Mayor Giuliani in the wake of 9/11. Of course once the storm lifted and the cameras left, it was back to his presidential power lust, much like the former NYC mayor.
But unlike Giuliani, Christie has spent one third of his term out of the state. After all, it’s not high rates of poverty, soaring property taxes, and the terrible environment for business; it’s backroom deals for Iowa pig farms that New Jersey voters are screaming about. In fact, Christie is so hated in New Jersey that a new poll found that he has a lower rating than his Democratic predecessor, Gov. Jon Corzine, had when Christie defeated him in 2009. He’s also been downgraded to second-teir candidate and has very little financial backing from GOP donors. But reason and facts have never stopped this very deluded and arrogant a-hole, so he’s got to compete with Donald Trump in that category.
All of those realities notwithstanding, here are he real reasons Christie will NEVER be president:
1. Second Worst Job Growth In Nation. The Asbury Park Press reported that New Jersey’s job growth in 2014 was the second worst in the nation. Even as the nation saw its first-time jobless claims fall to levels it hasn’t seen in years, New Jersey saw first-time jobless claims jump by roughly three-quarters in early July of 2014. The Star Ledger reported that the 20,624 first-time unemployment claims filed in New Jersey was a 70-percent increase over the previous week’s 12,045, the largest increase in the nation. And while we’re discussing jobs, Christie, has the distinction of also being responsible for killing 6,000 construction jobs in 2010 when he decided to gut the ARC tunnel project, according to One New Jersey.
2. New Jersey’s Bond Rating Repeatedly Downgraded. One major indicator of New Jersey’s descent into fiscal hell and Christie’s inability to stop it has been with its degraded bond rating. On six separate occasions - twice by each of the three major credit rating agencies - New Jersey’s debt has been downgraded under Christie’s watch. The only other governor to hold such a dubious distinction is former Democratic Governor Jim McGreevey, who saw New Jersey’s debt rating slip six times from 2001-2004. But Governor Christie found no problem lying about being “Mr. Comeback.”
3. Pissing Away Millions on Special Elections and Petty Investigations. A signature hallmark of Chris Christie is his ability to squander tax payer money to serve his own political ambitions. For example, Christie’s decision to hold a special election in October to fill the vacated seat of the late Senator Frank Lautenberg came with a price tag of $25 million. The decision was obviously one of political expediency, as the garrulous governor of the Garden State made sure to keep the popular Cory Booker off the ballot in November. Clearly knowing he could suppress the vote and force ardent supporters of Booker to stay home on Election Day in November, Christie ingenuously created this costly Special Election separate from his own. Then, of course, is the $1 million dollar bridge-gate report, brought to you by Christie’s hand-picked team of loyalist lawyers, the million dollar report had a bias that only Fox News could dream of. Naturally it absolved the governor of any wrongdoing, and we still don’t know what role Christie played in the GWB closure.
4. Bridge-Gate. Yes, this is a real gem. Despite running against a lowly state Senator in 2013 in an ensured victory, Christie decided to shut down the most heavily trafficked bridge on the busiest day of the year to settle a political score. Exactly the type of man you want holding nuclear launch codes and handling delicate international issues.
5. Political Quid Pro Quo with Exxon. Since his 2016 power lust is way more important than the people of New Jersey, Christie blatantly interfered with his state’s $9 billion lawsuit against oil giant Exxon Mobil when he let them off the hook for billions. Luckily, Jon Stewart blasted him for this.
6. Screaming at anyone and everyone who disagrees with him. Chris Christie’s entire national profile is based solely on him screaming at teachers and public employees, even a former Navy SEAL for f*ck’s sake! In a tonally prepared shtick to increase YouTube hits, the governor uses “town halls” for purely propaganda purposes. He rose to national prominence after famously shouting down a public school teacher. Most recently, Gov. Christie told Jim Keady, a resident of the jersey shore, to “sit down and shut up” when Keady and others protested the governor’s failed Hurricane Sandy recovery efforts. Keady is not just refusing to sit down and shut up, he’s running for office. Again, exactly the type of man you want holding nuclear launch codes and handling delicate international issues.
Featured image via Philly.com
Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook
The people of jersey fell for Christie’s bullshit, and clearly aren’t smart enough to impeach him. Luckily they are stuck with the fat duck, until his imminent coronary. Then they can hold a nice funeral, and name a garbage dump in his honor.
You and the people in your state would support something even worse in some pink colored commie flavored presidential hopeful. Keep up the armchair communist ideals from the comfort of your Park Ave apartment sipping mimosos or whatever the heck you call them.
Slithering Corrupt Christie’s bridge-gate white-wash, Mastro ‘report’, has cost taxpayers $7.3 Million and continues to pile up. Where is paul fishman hiding?
Never underestimate the stupidity of the Republican voter.
The fleece was only hideous because Christie was wearing it.
I don’t understand why his act wasn’t declare over by now. All the Attorney General has to do is offer his former chief of staff immunity, and he’s done, fried, a blubbery, bombastic, perjurious never-has-been who didn’t deserve to serve one day in office in the first place.
On June 30,
2015 Chris Christie made it official’ he is running for the president of the
United States. Christie claims to be a “Conservative” however his actions as
Governor say different. In his speech he talks about compromise. He wants to
run as the Great Compromiser. In order to attract more voters to the
Republican Party Christie has said, “Republicans cannot simply become a
debating society over purity and principle… Stick to principles, he said, but
then added: I’ll remind you of one simple truth in this democracy: We don’t get
to govern if we don’t win.” It sounds like Christie is willing to compromise on
principles to attract more voters and supposedly win elections. What principles
is he talking about to attract those new voters? That is the problem with this
RINO; Christie is not principled and is not to be trusted. You do not
compromise your principles for votes.
Some of Christie’s supporters
thought his chances were damaged because of “Bridge Gate.” Needless to say Christie’s
presidential chances should be damaged for many other reasons besides
Bridgegate, but those will not stop him from running. Here are several reasons
why he should not be president: First off, Christie is NOT a conservative. He
is an unprincipled, loudmouth bully. Christie has taken money from the Federal
Government, i.e. the American taxpayers to prop up New Jersey, yet New Jersey
was still downgraded 9 times over his term. According to an NBC news story,
Christie appropriated $4.8 million in Hurricane Sandy relief funds to help
build a luxury high rise building in New Brunswick for one of his donors Boraie
Development LLC. Christie looked
like he had a man-crush on Hussein Obama with his walk down the boardwalk and
winning Obama a stuffed animal, which assisted Obama in his re-election over
Mitt Romney Furthermore, Christie is weak on the second Amendment, he supports
gun control; he is weak on immigration, he supports amnesty; he is weak on the
threat of Islam, he supports the 911 mosque and appointed Islamists to the
bench; he’s in favor of the green agenda, Cap and Trade; he campaigned for another
RINO, Mike Castle; and was MIA on health care litigation, not signing onto the
legislation to end Obamacare and expanding Medicaid. Christie supports the Obama
Regime spying on Americans and believes the spying program on Americans would
have prevented 9/11. I guess he forgot the spying program was up and running
when Boston got hit at the marathon. And Christie forgets the Obama Regime is
spying on Americans to create enemies lists. There are other ways to go about
protecting the citizens of this country without violating their rights. For
additional information Tom Marr has a You-Tube video exposing the RINO Chris
Christie for what and who he is.
Unfortunately,
today we live by sound-bites and people jump on the band wagon of a
potential presidential candidate because of a You-Tube clip, like some have
done with Christie. My suggestion to the people is to not only listen to what
the potential candidate says but find out what they have done. There are
alternate sites people can go to and find out about the candidates, as well as
government sites to find out the candidates voting record. We need to elect a
TRUE CONSERVATIVE as president to get rid of Hussein Obama’s destructive
policies. We do not need to replace him with a RINO, like Chris Christie. Now
is the time to be vetting individuals in order to defeat the establishment GOP
RINO’s as well as the Democrat Statists.
LMFAO!
Glad you mentioned Social Security and the last President.