The Onion Accidentally Breaks REAL News Story About U.S. Giving Israel Missiles


With so many stories about the media falling for satirical news stories, it is almost shocking to learn that The Onion has managed to accidentally break a REAL news story regarding President Obama’s attempt to appease Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu’s temper tantrum over the Iran nuclear deal.

Running with the title, U.S. Soothes Upset Netanyahu With Shipment Of Ballistic Missiles on July 14, it’s a virtual certainty that the editors of the satirical publication did not predict that their humorous take on Bibi’s reaction to the Iran deal would become reality:

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The Onion published the following quote:

Following Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s heated objections to the nuclear deal struck between the United States and Iran, American officials announced Tuesday that they were calming the upset head of government by treating him to a nice, big shipment of ballistic missiles. ‘Bibi always gets a little cranky when he sees us talking to Iran, but a few dozen short-range surface-to-surface missiles usually cheer him right up,’ said State Department spokesperson Daniel Goldman, adding that the shipment of MGM-140 ATACMS missiles should be enough to settle the sullen Israeli leader down at least for the deal’s crucial early implementation stages.

“Of course, we try not to spoil him by giving him a whole new tactical ballistics delivery system every single time he throws a fit, but our guy’s pretty good at getting his way,” Goldman says in the satirical article. “At least we’ll have a couple months of peace and quiet around here.” Goldman “added” that “the U.S. was saving its shipment of missile defense system components in case Netanyahu got worked up during Israel-Palestine peace negotiations later this year.”

In its own article about actual events, Israeli newspaper Haaretz published its own report of actual events the following day:

U.S. President Barack Obama has offered Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu immediate talks to upgrade the Israel Defense Forces’ offensive and defensive capabilities in the wake of the deal on Iran’s nuclear program, a senior U.S. official told Haaretz.

In a phone conversation between the two leaders Tuesday, Netanyahu did not respond to the offer, said the official, who requested anonymity.

He said this was the second time Obama had made a direct offer to Netanyahu on launching such talks. The first time was in an April 2 phone call, a few hours after the announcement of the framework nuclear deal in Lausanne, Switzerland.

In the real version of events, Netanyahu declined the offer ” so as to avoid implying that Israel had come to terms with the nuclear deal”:

But Netanyahu did not accept that offer so as to avoid implying that Israel had come to terms with the nuclear deal. Also, in late May, Netanyahu told reporters that Israel would fight the nuclear accord and not seek any kind of reciprocal deal with Washington.

But now Obama has told Netanyahu he understands why the Israeli leader did not accept the April offer, the official said. With the deal with Iran sealed, Obama believes that Israel and the United States should hold talks on how to preserve Israel’s qualitative military edge given the changes that could occur in the region as a result of the nuclear accord.

On Tuesday, Obama told Netanyahu he would send Defense Secretary Ashton Carter to Israel for talks next week. Carter is expected to repeat Obama’s offer, but it is too early to predict the response by Netanyahu and his defense minister, Moshe Ya’alon.

‘We’re still waiting for an Israeli answer. If Israel wants to wait until after the Congressional debate on the nuclear accord that’s fine too,’ the U.S. official said.

‘We’ll be ready to hold these talks then too, because the day after the agreement goes into effect the sun will still shine and Israel and the U.S. will continue to work together on security matters.’

“I’m prepared to go further than any other administration’s gone before in terms of providing them additional security assurances from the United States,” Obama said in an interview. , “The thing I want to emphasize is that people’s concerns here are legitimate. Hezbollah has tens of thousands of missiles that are pointed toward Israel. They are becoming more sophisticated. The interdiction of those weapon flows has not been as successful as it needs to be.”

Yes, the idea of giving Israel even more military hardware is something that BELONGS in a satirical publication. Unfortunately, humor has met reality. In 2014 alone, Israel killed 2,314 Palestinians, according to the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs.

Israel killed 2,314 Palestinians in 2014, according to the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs. That’s more than any year since 1967 when Israel defeated pro-Palestinian forces to wrest control of all of Jerusalem and other land then held by Arab countries. Many of the deaths last year were a result of an Israeli military operation in the Palestinian-controlled Gaza Strip, which left at least 11,000 injured and 500,000 internally displaced.

‘Israel, the occupying power, must fulfil its primary obligations to protect the Palestinian civilian population, and ensure that people’s basic needs and human rights are met,’ the U.N. stated in a report documenting Israeli treatment of Palestinians. ‘This would include taking action to secure the physical protection of Palestinian civilians, cease their displacement, ensure accountability for violence and abuse, and lift restrictions on the movement of people and goods, as well as on access to land and resources.’

Israeli military officials have said that so Palestinian civilians were killed, in part, because they were used as human shields by Hamas. Lt. Col. Peter Lerner, a spokesman for the Israeli military, said the bombing of a U.N. school ‘a true tragedy’ but that Palestinian forces hid munitions in schools and hospitals.

The U.N. maintained nonetheless that Israel violated international law, the international organization isn’t very likely to hold Israel accountable for its failures to protect — or even kill — Palestinian civilians. Even if U.N. officials themselves are at the forefront of the call for justice.

‘[W]e cannot allow impunity, we cannot allow this lack of accountability to go on,’ Navi Pillay, the U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights, said in July after claiming that Israel’s attacks on homes, schools, and hospitals in Gaza pointed appeared to be at odds with the rules of war outlined by the Geneva Convention.

The prospect of handing a nation whose leaders have suggested genocide and concentration camps for Palestinians is nothing less than horrific — an idea so farcical that it place is in satirical publications…not reality.

Featured image via The Onion

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