Deranged DEA Agent Warns Legal Weed Leads To Terrifying Stoned Bunnies Who Fear No Human (VIDEO)


“I deal in facts. I deal in science,” a deranged DEA agent claims while ranting about stoned bunnies to a Utah Senate panel on medical marijuana.

Stoned bunnies? That’s right. The Washington Post reports that the highly conservative state of Utah is giving serious thought to passing a law that would legalize medical marijuana. So of course some hardcore right-wingers will say just about anything to freak out their base.

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And quite frankly, anti-weed folks may seriously need the specter of stoned bunnies to freak out their base. And, that might not even work. Because, really, their “base” consists of old white people who’ve lived a life of bad habits and now require medical marijuana to cope with their ills.

At first, DEA Agent Matt Fairbanks sort of made sense as he described the environmental destruction wrought by the illegal grow sites he’s come across:

“Personally, I have seen entire mountainsides subjected to pesticides, harmful chemicals, deforestation and erosion. The ramifications to the flora, the animal life, the contaminated water, are still unknown.”

Most of these illegal grow sites would go away if we made pot legal, of course. But there’s no chance to argue that point, because Fairbanks has already moved on to that thing about the stoned bunnies. Terrifying stoned bunnies who fear no human.

A wild-eyed Fairbanks told the long-suffering senators on the weed panel that those danged rabbits “had cultivated a taste for the marijuana.”

Not only had these stoned bunnies acquired a taste for weed, they now feared no human. For some reason, this seems to be the thing that Fairbanks finds the most terrifying: That one of the rabbits refused to run away from the humans, even as they destroyed its entire pot supply.

“One of them refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone.”

Raw Story reports the panel still gave approval to the bill to move forward, despite Fairbanks’ testimony.

He urged lawmakers to put the brakes on the proposed legislation to conduct additional study, but a Senate committee approved the measure by a 3-2 vote after Fairbanks testified.

The full Senate will then vote on the bill, which would allow businesses to grow marijuana and sell pot-infused products such as baked goods and candies.

The current draft of Utah’s bill would approve the use of edibles — marijuana-infused baked goods and other items — but keep pot smoking illegal.

DEA agent Matt Fairbanks gives a Utah senate panel the lowdown on stoned bunnies.

Here’s the video with Fairbanks’ testimony on stoned bunnies from the The Washington Post.


Photo: Composite via ImageArcade (foreground) and cc 2009 Budlee Fabrics via Flickr.

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