Have you ever gotten into your car at night and suddenly felt like someone might be sitting behind you in the backseat, ready to slit your throat or strangle you with piano wire? Well, now you can add beheading to that grizzly list of paranoia. A Mississippi woman was just busted by police for burglarizing cars in the parking lot of her children’s school. Lisa Roche’s defense? Searching for ISIS.
I’ll give you a moment to stop laughing.
Wait, Lisa Roche said WHAT?
That’s right, 41-year-old Lisa Carol Roche of Hurley, MS, was apprehended by local authorities for breaking and entering into cars in the parking lot East Central High School on Friday, Oct. 3. For some odd reason, local police found it hard to believe Roche had the inside scoop on the Islamist State of Iraq and Syria. Perhaps it was the sunglasses and other items found on Roche, pilfered from students’ cars, that led the authorities to doubt her.
When questioned by police, Roche simply claimed that she was “looking for ISIS terrorists,” according to Gulf Live.
Maybe, just maybe, she’d stumbled onto a pair of their sunglasses and was about to save Hurley from a string of beheadings the likes of which haven’t been seen in Mississippi since the Civil Rights Movement (see Birdia Keglar, 1966).
As of Oct. 3, Roche remains in the Jackson County Adult Detention Center. As a result, she currently faces up to five years in prison, if convicted of burglary, as well as a $10,000 fine. Most likely the prior charges of careless driving and two felonies for fraud and embezzlement haven’t helped her case or credibility, either. Some people just can’t catch a break, not even defending their country.
Authorities are weighing their options in considering Roche’s ISIS intel, but I wouldn’t worry about too many backseat beheadings for now. You’re safe sticking with your same old bogeyman.