The rural Idaho town of Pocatello, Idaho was shaken to its core Friday when a cow crafted a daring escape from a local butcher shop.
Weighing in at 1000 pounds, or 670 pounds of fresh beef, the cow muscled its way out of Anderson Custom Pack’s meat processing facility, crashing through an eight-foot fence in the process.
The animal was shot in the head by an officer, which didn’t impede its desire to get away. More cops were dispatched, and a low-speed foot chase ensued. The heifer was eventually taken down with two more shots in somebody’s front yard. It wasn’t clear if the owner of the home would be able to claim possession and keep the carcass, being that possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Pocatello Police Chief Scott Marchand told the Idaho State Journal that the bovine in question was shot because it posed an immediate risk to the general public. The cow reportedly rammed two police cars during the incident.
The reaction from the other inmates of the packing plant wasn’t available at press time, but it’s assumed that the cow’s friends were both saddened by the loss and ecstatic that their friend (who has been affectionately nick-named Chuck) got to extend his life by a few hours with his daring escape.
Chuck’s family wasn’t available for comment, either, having been cooked to a nice medium rare at the recent Idaho State Bengals game.
It’s also unclear whether or not any information will be released on Chuck’s background, but early reports say that Fox News is already trying to dig up evidence that Chuck smoked pot or liked rap music. So far, Chuck’s criminal record comes back clean, but there’s always the possibility that he could be charged with evading police and resisting arrest posthumously.
The Facebook Page “Pissed Off Right Wingers” will most likely be probing into Chuck’s life as well, attempting to tie him to President Obama. Rumor has it Chuck’s birth certificate isn’t readily available and he may have been the one to issue the stand-down order in Benghazi.