My Uncle Rudy was in an absolute tizzy last night after someone sent him a link to a redneck being arrested for DUI while pulling a couch full of kegs with his tractor.
Uncle Rudy burst through the door, just before dinner as usual, and in between swallows of Natty Light gave us the rundown on why this, like everything else, is Obama’s fault:
‘Obummer wants his friggin’ police state so he can stop law-abiding citizens from exercisin’ their constitutional rights. I mean, what was this guy doin’ that was so wrong?
‘It ain’t illegal to drive no tractor on a dirt road, it don’t matter how drunk he were. How was he s’posed to get them kegs home otherwise?
‘It’s like everything else, man. We the people just want the gubmint to leave us alone. That cop was lucky it weren’t me or I’da used my second amendment right to defend my… 3rd amendment right and capped his skinny ass.’
I pointed out that the video may have been staged comedy, that you most certainly cannot drive a tractor drunk under any circumstance and that the third amendment guarantees one’s right to not have soldiers quartered in their home, but it was too late. Uncle Rudy was wound up tight and ready to take over the TV for yet another exciting evening of watching models-turned-pseudo-journalists and college dropouts like Hannity on Fox News:
‘You got no idea what you’re talking about. The 6th amendment is my right to not have the gubmint interfere in my daily life. You libby Oblamer lovers have a rude awakenin’ when the facts come out.’
I’m sure we do. Everyone knows facts land on the conservative side of things. Voter fraud accounted for 4 million votes for President Obama; Hilary Clinton personally ordered the deaths of four Americans in Benghazi; and FEMA is going door to door with a UN Weapons Enforcement vehicle confiscating guns in Georgia. It’s difficult to be a liberal with all of these facts constantly being tossed around. Lucky for us, Uncle Rudy has a short attention span and is fixated on the possibility one of the blondes from FOX will have a wardrobe malfunction, and hasn’t discovered Alex Jones yet.
We’ve prepared a room in the basement for him full of canned peas and bottled water for that inevitability.
***It’s come to my attention that this video was made by Steve Jessup, AKA “Lawnmower Steve.” Please visit his YouTube Channel and subscribe. Well done, Steve! I’m your newest subscriber!