There’s no one quite like former Daily Show host Jon Stewart. We were all devastated when he left his amazing Comedy Central show to pursue other endeavors. This was especially true when it became clear that Donald Trump would be this year’s Republican nominee. Other than a couple of appearances, we haven’t had Stewart’s brilliance to guide us through these difficult times.
All of that changed last night, though. Stewart surprised us all when he showed up on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert on CBS. Dressed in a red, Trump-like tie that was so long it dragged the floor with a dead animal on his head (presumably to represent that strange thatch that Trump calls hair), Stewart did not disappoint.
When Colbert asked him if this was his Donald Trump impression, Stewart looked confused for a second and said:
“I thought this is how men dress now. The president sets men’s fashion. And I saw the inauguration: super long tie, dead animal on head. Boom!”
Stewart was just getting started with the ridiculous outfit, though. He brought with him new executive orders that will be signed by Trump. With a flourish, Stewart read off order after ridiculous order. Unfortunately, it seems that satire makes more sense than reality these days. Out of all of them he read, in a Trumpian impression, the most important and true were the following:
“I, Donald J. Lincoln Kennedy Trump III do pronounce America now finally has an official language. The new official language of the United States is bullshit.”
Continuing his Trump impression, Stewart said that he requires his staff to “speak only in bullshit,” with “None of that, ‘Sure, I’ll speak bullshit at work, but at home I’ll use facts and real information.’ No. Bullshit all the time. Immersion—it’s the only way to be fluent.”
The last one is most important to our real lives, no matter how funny it was:
“I, Donald J. Trump, do declare by executive order that I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting. It has been 11 days, Stephen. Eleven fucking days. The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public!”
“I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting because it is going to take relentless stamina, vigilance, and every institutional check and balance this great country can muster to keep me, Donald J. Trump, from going full Palpatine, with the lightning coming out of the fingertips and the ‘fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate.’ We have never faced this before—purposeful, vindictive chaos.”
This was a funny skit, but the scary part is that everything said here is true. Don’t let Trump exhaust you. Don’t normalize him. Don’t let his bullshit and abuse of power and autocracy ruin our country. #RESIST.
Featured image via video screen capture