Christians across the nation are furious that Starbucks, which sells advent calendars, has a Christmas blend, and sells Christmas ornaments, unveiled a simple new design for its traditional holiday “red cups” — without the snowflakes, snowmen, and other goofy-looking decorations. Apparently, though there has never been a religious figure on the cups, the removal of the more secular holiday designs was enough to throw the Stupid Part of America into a frenzy over this latest shot fired in the imaginary War on Christmas™.
Popular right-wing loudmouth Joshua Feuerstein perfectly summed up the manufactured outrage when he postulated that Starbucks “removed Christmas from their cups because they hate Jesus” — an opinion shared by numerous people who can’t figure out how to operate a toaster. Though Jesus has never been on the red cups, Feuerstein says that “Starbucks wanted to take Christ and Christmas off of their brand new cups?” — something he says is a sign of the “age of political correctness” that is destroying America. Feuerstein says that Christians should stand up to this imaginary atrocity by walking into a Starbucks, paying the company for their coffee, and telling the poor barista that their names are all “Merry Christmas.”
Related: Forget About Starbucks, There Is A REAL ‘War On Christmas’ And We Have Bush To Thank For It
“The cup is symbolic of a larger war against Christianity in this country. The policemen of political correctness have demanded that the silent majority bend its knee to a vocal minority,” the Christian Facebook pastor told the Washington Post. “Starbucks and others know that Americans are drawing a line in the sand and refusing to remain silent any longer.”
But there’s a problem — Even Bristol Palin thinks Feuerstein is an idiot.
In a blog post Tuesday, Palin explained that the removal of the holiday symbols from the cup design in and of itself is not an attack on Christians. Citing an Instagram post from Full House’s Candace Cameron Bure, Palin explained that Starbucks’ cups have never exactly celebrated the Christian religion to begin with. “Starbucks War on Christmas? It’s a red cup, folks. Until Starbucks puts a baby Jesus or nativity scene on the cup while saying Merry Christmas, then pulls it because they say it’s offensive, let’s talk,” Bure’s post reads, in part. “I don’t remember Starbucks ever being a Christian company, do you?”
To Palin, the plot is more subtle than an overt attack on Christians. Starbucks and the media, she says, are attacking Christians by making them look stupid for being outraged over the removal of snowflakes from a coffee cup.
“Usually adorned with snowflakes and reindeer, this year the cups were given a makeover in a more sleek all red ombre look,” explained a woman who can’t figure out how a condom works, yet acted as an abstinence spokesperson. “And somewhere, somehow someone took offense to the change, claiming it was part of the war on Christmas,” she continued, linking to Feuerstein’s remarkably stupid post.
“And the media RAN with it. They used one small group’s opinion about the cups and began attributing it to the greater Christian community,” Palin added, failing to note that the post was shared 500,000 times and accumulated more than 50,000 comments, or that the attached video was viewed over 14 million times by concerned Christians. “So now, they’re taking a tiny fraction of people’s response and attributing it to all conservative Christians.”
According to Palin, this whole thing — people accurately recording Christian outrage over a coffee cup — is simply “media hype.” But worse:
It is just another attempt by the LEFT to make Christians look stupid.
Yes, because we all know that the LEFT is responsible for Christians independently voicing their outrage over a cup design. “Christmas is a celebration of the birth of the Prince of Peace,” Palin wrote. “So how about we take the media’s attempt to make us all seem crazy and stupid, and turn it in to an opportunity to truly share the love of Christ with our neighbors and communities who are hurting so much this season.”
So, take note people: This is not about the War on Christmas. This is a war on Christians fighting the War on Christmas. After all, if people think Christians are stupid for their belief that a coffee chain is attacking them by using a simpler design on its coffee cups, obviously the fault lies with those having a chuckle at their expense. Perhaps it’s time for Palin to “abstain” from public discourse for a while.