Samantha Bee, host of Full Frontal, skewered the Republican candidates on the eve of the New York primaries, and it was fabulous.
First up was John Kasich. She showed a video of him speaking to a group of rabbis and explaining the story of Joseph. “See the hats and beards, John? I think they knooooow,” said Bee. She pointed out that he then toured a Brooklyn matzoh factory “where he rained down condescension like a plague of frogs, falling down from the sky.” Bee noted the looks on the faces of the rabbis. “Did John Kasich just fan-fiction Jesus into the Passover?” she asked.
Next up was Republican frontrunner Donald Trump, who she said had just “lost the most recent primary by 13 points to a guy with less than 13 friends,” meaning Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, of course. She said that in a recent speech the bigoted billionaire bragged that if he were president, Americans would win so much, they would be “tired of winning.” In fact, he said that they would win enough to beg him, “Please it’s too much winning, we can’t take it anymore.”
Win me harder,” Bee responded while wearing a blindfold. “Win all over me; just try not to win in my hair.
Then Bee moved on to Cruz. She showed a clip of the candidate and his family during a recent interview, where Cruz discussed watching pornography with Sandra Day O’Connor while his young daughters sat by uncomfortably listening to daddy’s awkward story. “Oh, I guess the National Enquirer missed one,” Bee quipped before nailing him for his Cambell’s soup fetish.
Give us your poor, your tired, your muddled asshole yearning to scream free,” she said. “New Yorkers accept everyone — within reason.
Watch the hysterical segment here, via Crooks and Liars:
Featured image via video screen capture