If you’re a connoisseur of extremist coloring books, surely you remember Ted Cruz to the Future, a right-wing celebration of all that is the Obamacare-hating theocratic son of Rafael Cruz. The insanely popular (with the Tea Party) coloring book was in such high demand that Really Big Coloring Books simply had to release a sequel to the original, which was filled with delusional ramblings about the conservative version of America.
This eight-page “supplement” is free with the purchase of the first compendium of Ted Cruz’s awesomeness, Cruz to the Future — and really, what’s not to love? We’re treated to images of superhero Ted Cruz riding an eagle and carrying a rifle to save freedom from Obama, or something, as well as a heroic scene in which the Senator does battle with some evil vipers named “Obamacare” and “Lawlessness,” as well as others.
After perusing this literary masterpiece, one is left with one impression: Ted Cruz is a hero! Well, if one is a complete moron, anyway.
One of the pages features Cruz and family walking to what is apparently, in this grim prediction of the future, their new home — the White House. Ted gives a huge “thumbs up” before he spends his entire Presidency rambling about Benghazi.
Witness our hero flying high on the back of a giant bald eagle as he holds his rifle aloft. “Democracy Flies High on the Wings of Freedom,” a banner above what the books authors hope will be our next President as, in the foreground, Ted zooms off to do…something.
This book also allows children to become familiar with a whitewashed timeline of Ted Cruz’s career as America’s hero.
And finally, the epic battle, with snakes and sh*t! Ferocious Ted Cruz wrestles with snakes representing all of Obummer’s evils: Obamacare, illegal immigration, “high” taxes, lawlessness, injustice. The page notes that this book is “designed as an educational tool” and, while it is a clear endorsement of Ted Cruz, that is “does not constitute an endorsement of Ted Cruz.” The book’s authors assert that it is “based on a fair and objective review on this positive role model and real life superhero” they are definitely not endorsing.
If you really hate your kids, you now know just what to get them this holiday season. Lumps of coal are traditional and all, but a Ted Cruz coloring book really drives the point home.