Wisconsin’s GOP primary is anything but predictable. While as many as six recent polls have Ted Cruz leading Donald Trump by a thin margin, the latest ARG poll puts Trump up by ten points. That same poll has John Kasich trailing by another ten points, not completely out but lagging behind in the establishments all-too-familiar last place showing.
With numbers like that, one would think Ted Cruz would be willing to do just about anything to make himself more visible and appealing to Wisconsin Republicans. Unfortunately, nobody told Ted Cruz that in Wisconsin, there are two things that matter above all else: Cheese and the Green Bay Packers. At a campaign event at the Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha, Cruz’s daughter tried to get her Dad to don the famous triangular foam hat of the Packer Cheesehead, only to be shot down.
The incident received enough attention that a reporter for the Dallas Morning News felt it necessary to question Cruz. His ridiculous answer showed just how shallow the man is, conjuring images of Mike Dukakis in an army helmet four times too big for his head as an excuse.
There is an ironclad rule of politics which is no funny hats,” Cruz said. “Michael Dukakis demonstrated that powerfully when he put on a helmet and rode in a tank, and so I will cheer on the hats of others, but, but …”
But don’t you think the voters of Wisconsin would appreciate it?
“I think the people of Wisconsin wear their cheeseheads so powerfully that I would not presume to intrude in the elegance with which the people of Wisconsin wear those hats,” Cruz said.
This reporter chimed in: What about courageous conservatives?
“Not that courageous,” Cruz conceded.
There is an ironclad rule of parenting that says if your little girl asks you to wear a cheesehead, especially when you’re standing in Kenosha, you put on the friggin’ cheesehead. You don’t patronize Packers fans by calling their show of pride in their team “elegant” and comparing the request to a failed presidential campaign from the 1980’s. You put on the hat.
Hats may not belong in politics if you’re riding in a tank while trying to look like a Commander-In-Chief and instead you end up the subject of political cartoon parody across the globe, but they most certainly do belong in the cheese capital of the world in the middle of Packer country.
Yes, this is a silly story and yes, there’s a reason it’s listed as humor. On a very serious note, though, as the father of two beautiful girls, how could you, Ted? How could you look at your kid and turn down a simple request that might make her smile? Not wearing the hat may or may not cost him votes from football fans, but hopefully, his complete and utter failure as a parent makes a few of his supporters stay home.
Featured image via Darren Hauk/Getty Images