Some campaigns meet a spectacular end, detonating on themselves and imploding into a singularity of stupid, like a political supernova. If the past is any indication, this is the path of Donald Trump.
However, some campaigns fizzle like flat Coca-Cola. They slip into the ignominious Hall of “Wait, you really ran? And thought you could win?”
This, it appears, is the fate of the Rick Perry campaign, as aides say that he can no longer afford to pay his staff.
All That Ego Hurts His Back
The man known as Governor Goodhair isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed; in fact, he is to presidential material what crayons are to weed removal.
In the past, former Governor of Texas Rick Perry has proclaimed the American revolution happened in the 16th century, that freedom of religion doesn’t mean freedom from religion, and the — what’s the third one? The third one… I can never seem to remember it.
Last month, Rick Perry imploded on Fox News, blaming his stupidity in 2012 on a combination of bad luck and a bad back:
Wallace asked Perry what he learned, and the former Texas governor responded, ‘Well, number one, you gotta be healthy, and secondly, you gotta prepare, and it takes years of preparation, I would suggest to you.’
In this interview, Rick Perry admitted that he is lazy, makes bad decisions, and he is unprepared. The foundation of his presidential campaign appears to be vote for me because my back doesn’t hurt, and I studied this time.
And things aren’t looking any better this time around, either.
Stalled At The Starting Line
Perry just barely missed qualifying for the big boy debate on Fox News last week, despite a concerted effort from the former Texas governor to reintroduce himself to the right-wing voters. This is just the latest in a long string of failures that have plagued Perry’s campaign.
That one aide, requesting anonymity to speak about how Perry’s campaign works, revealed that Perry has stopped paying his staff and that they don’t expect to see pay for the next few weeks says all that needs to be said about Perry’s campaign.
Despite these grim financial troubles, there are a number of “Super PACS” who support Governor Goodhair’s candidacy sitting on more than $10 million. A pro-Perry super PAC netted $16.8 million last month, even though Perry’s fundraising gains were a meager $1 million.
Not that this money helps any; while confident that they have “plenty of money to put him in position to finish in the top three or even win Iowa,” Austin Barbour, a campaign strategist for Perry’s super PACs, is barred from communicating with Perry’s campaign about what can be done for staff overhead.
Despite this, the groups are willing to pick up the costs traditionally associated with running a campaign:
We raised so much money we have the ability to support him in a number of ways. And we’ve been looking at all different ways to support him, not just paid media.
And even if the super PACs absorbed the staff payroll, the aides would still be looking at a 120-day period before they could get involved in any of the super PACs’ activities.
Still, Rick Perry has no intention of shifting from a state strategy to an all-in-on-Iowa strategy. According to Katon Dawson, a former South Carolina Republican chairman and aide to Rick Perry, “We have events in South Carolina in August and September that will be great.”
He also recalled that John McCain ran into similar financial woes during the 2007 cycle and managed to make a comeback with a low-budget campaign to win the Republican nomination — after which, Mr. Dawson conveniently forgot to mention, McCain nominated Sarah Palin as his VP and turned his campaign, and his party, into a national joke.
Just like Governor Goodhair.
Feature image via Wikimedia Commons