It looks like Virginia congressional candidate Mike Webb (R) is having a really bad day and it is all because he doesn’t know how to search incognito on his computer.
The GOP candidate shared a screenshot on his Facebook page “Mike Webb for Congress” that accidentally let his pornography habits out of the bag. The post was supposed to be about when he was looking for a job in Alexandria and was scammed by some woman who said she worked for a staffing agency but actually didn’t. The story is kind of weird and I don’t completely understand what he is talking about, but it’s not important anyway. What is important is what was in the browser tab of the screenshot he posted:
Well, that’s awkward.
The “About” section of Webb’s Facebook page indicates that he is not the kind of man who would openly admit to watching kinky porn:
I have been uniquely blessed with “uncommon luck” by a gracious and benevolent God in heaven not because of myself, but in spite of myself. I enjoy greatly sharing the gifts and talents that God has given me, especially to resolve challenging problems. But, most of all, I enjoy bringing people from varying circumstances and backgrounds together to find their common ground.
He also really LOVES movies, he says,”I own over 3000 DVDs and videocassettes, but still find myself at a movie theater looking for the latest film.” Yeah, I’m sure he visits the same family friendly theaters that Pee-Wee Herman does (if you are too young to remember what Herman does in the movies, go here.)
He cites The Holy Bible as his favorite book and is a proud “Christian.” Here’s the problem with that: Christians believe that porn is “insidious” and pollutes the minds of the people who watch it. So, enjoying Ivone’s sexy amateur movies is forbidden by his religion. Of course, when word got out that Webb had accidentally posted the screenshot, the internet responded exactly as we’d expect, by mocking the hell out of him:
We love you, internet.
Webb did not take the screenshot down, however. Instead, he decided that he could explain it away with an explanation that rivals even the worst Sarah Palin drunk Facebook post. I can’t even describe how bad it was so I am just going to post it here for those of you who like to solve word salad puzzles:
And then this:
Listen, there is nothing wrong with watching porn. It isn’t dirty or filthy. You won’t be going to Hell. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, unless you are a Republican candidate who rambles about Jesus and has projected a sanctimonious image of yourself — like Mike Webb. Even then, had he just said,”Yeah, I was checking out tight booties, and?” I would have left it alone, but he didn’t. He has now written two posts about it and tried to explain it away in typical Republican fashion. Lie, lie, lie and when your lies don’t work, lie some more.
Featured image via screen shot