Why Bush And Perry Will Only Slash The Tires Of The GOP Clown Car


If you weren’t taught that old mathematical rule of “two negatives make a positive” back in elementary school, then you can certainly learn it on June 4. That’s because two of the most negative persons in modern history – Jeb Bush and Rick Perry – both confirmed today that they’ll be launching presidential campaigns.

And how does that produce a positive? Because not only are both of them deeply buried within cesspools of scandalous sh*t, but their stench will encircle all the other GOP GOONs seeking the White House. And with all the negativity of that plunger-proof crap clogging the Republican commode – shoot, your dog could beat them in the polls.

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Consider Bush’s history, for example.

He was involved in politics long before he became governor of Florida, and produced a record so full of scandals that a federal prosecutor publicly stated that Jeb was either “crooked or stupid.” He was involved in the Oliver North-Contra game. Bush worked with and lobbied on behalf of Cuban expatriates who were later nabbed by the FBI on the Recarey “bust-out” scandal.

Just two weeks into his first term as Florida governor, Bush halted a railway transportation project that had been underway for four years. His argument was that it was too expensive, but most knew that Bush’s actions were to support the developers and highway construction companies that supported his campaign. Voters called for its continuance with a constitutional amendment the very next year, but he continued to withhold funding, and the project was never completed.

He was also an Enron pal, hosting fundraisers for the power company’s president during that scandal (and even though Florida’s state employee pension plan lost $335 million in Enron holdings).

And then have a glimpse at Perry’s history.

He wasn’t elected governor of Texas at first, but simply bumped to that office in December 2000 when predecessor George W. Bush moved on to the White House. And the scandals that started coming out at that same time have yet to cease.

Take his history of back-door deals on real estate with campaign donors, from which Perry earned a quick million in profit. Or the $600,000 of taxpayer money he spent on “living expenses” (you know, vital things like magazine subscriptions and ice makers and clothing racks) while the governor’s mansion was being renovated. Or his method of skipping campaign laws by arranging for donors to make huge contributions to other groups, who would then forward the money to Perry (over $100 million from just 204 people).

And don’t forget his arrest, either. When the state’s Public Integrity Unit opened investigation on Perry, he tried to get rid of its director. He then threated to cut all funding for PIU if it didn’t stop the investigation. He then used a line-item veto from the state budget to completely defund that agency. And that’s what actually got Perry arrested on charges of criminal abuse of power.

Of course, there are still enough gullible Republican voters who will support Bush and Perry. Bush has maintained the lead in polls of all GOP candidates, for example. While Perry’s remained in the rear, his support more than doubled in the last two weeks. These official announcements from the two with most name recognition could mean that Jeb and Rick will hold the driver’s seat and shotgun in the GOP Clown Car when the actual primary season begins. But that’s where the two negatives will produce a positive result.

Media coverage and public attention on those two clowns won’t be able to exclude their long, well-documented histories of scandal. And no matter which one has the wheel, the engine will kill when he stomps on the gas pedal, meaning the other crammed-in-the-back-seat candidates won’t be moving forward, either.

And that, circus fans, means that all other voters (aside from the GOP’s diehard gullible guppies) can direct their attention to the center ring. Which will feature the other candidates. Who don’t have records of cheating, lying, stealing, frauding, scamming, or pocketing. And there won’t be a Republican present in that group.


Featured image by Donkey Hotey via Flickr

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