Xenophobic, TEA Party Birther “Challenges” President in a Profane NSFW Screed (Video)


Apologies for the delay in getting back to you, Drew, but I couldn’t seem to get your racist, disjointed, profanity-laced screed to stream correctly on my old Obamaphone, and there’s been a rush on the new iPhone 6 model (I actually had to stand in line — like I was trying to cast a vote or something). It was worth waiting for, though. Since I worked hard for the president’s reelection, I qualified for an upgrade; MY Obamaphone has the official “Eye of Sauron” campaign logo laser-engraved on the custom leather case. Cool, huh?

You’ve attracted quite an audience for that apoplectic fit you suffered through and then uploaded to Facebook, Drew; last time I checked, the video “I challenge you Obama” was closing in on 650 THOUSAND views. Not bad for two and a half minutes of abusive, obscene and irrelevant growling into a camera phone. I transcribed the entire message for fun (and also for posterity, because it isn’t often you find this much insanity packaged into such a raunchy bundle). As I was telling some friends of mine, it’s hard to know whether to start with the Islamophobia, homophobia, birtherism, or the violent, often foul rhetoric. It’s a veritable cornucopia of TEA Party crazy.

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Let’s start with the language. For the record, you managed to drop the F-bomb (or variants, including a popular gerund containing the root word) a total of thirteen times! Congratulations. Whether you used the F-word to color your descriptions of the president’s “Muslim goat” (he’s never owned a goat — and I don’t believe they worship any deity), “Sasquatch,” (I’ve yet to see empirical evidence for this claim), “African beliefs” (well, since he was born in Hawaii, this is a odd choice), or his F-ing “job” (leader of the free world, commander-in-chief of U.S. armed forces, and President of the United States), clearly this a word you enjoy using — a lot.

What’s amusing (besides the inane comments from the peanut gallery that’s formed to cheer you on) is that any of you think this matters, or is somehow “patriotic.” Yes, you mentioned the “Constitution” (twice, matching the number of times you said “African”), plus “forefathers, amendments, freedoms, liberties, and patriots” (once each). I guess those subjects aren’t quite as near and dear to your withered, blackened heart, as first imagining, and giving voice to some pretty deeply repressed homoerotic fantasies. You might want to Google “psychological projection,” or just see if you made “the list.”

I’m not sure which was funnier: when you began clucking your tongue in an insulting, xenophobic dismissal of how some people communicate with one another; or when you momentarily got that deer-in-the-headlights brain freeze, during a pique of impotent rage, and could only sputter “b-b-b-uhhnngh!” Yeah — I tried spelling it phonetically, but you really have to hear it to appreciate the rabid, choleric, unrelenting fury that tied your tongue in knots.

Without further ado, let’s get on with the show: (remember folks, this video is definitely NSFW).

And Drew? It doesn’t really matter how many times this nonsense is “liked,” or “shared,” or “viewed,” because there’s nothing you can do to remove the president from office until January 20, 2017. Can you say President Clinton (again)? Ahhhhh … I can see those little specks of spittle forming at the corner of your mouth about now. Th-th-th-that’s all, “patriots.”

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