Hide Your 3-Year-Olds, Ted Cruz To Officially Announce 2016 Bid


Apparently unaware that it’s Donald Trump’s week to be running for president of the news cycles–and equally unaware that there’s a better chance of the next Pope coming from Timbuktu than a Ted Cruz presidency–the Teapublican Texas Senator intends to scare all 3-year-olds around the country (and world) this Monday with an official announcement.

Cruz, who has repeatedly hinted for months about his intentions to give limitless fodder to comedians and writers, will now certainly be seeking the GOP nomination. Such was confirmed by a strategist for the first-term Republican senator, who spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity so as not to preclude the announcement.

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From the Houston Chronicle:

The senator is scheduled to speak Monday at a convocation ceremony at Liberty University in Virginia, where he is expected to declare his campaign for the presidency.

Over the course of the primary campaign, Cruz will aim to raise between $40 million and $50 million, according to advisers, and dominate with the same tea party voters who supported his underdog Senate campaign in 2012. But the key to victory, Cruz advisers believe, is to be the second choice of enough voters in the party’s libertarian and social conservative wings to cobble together a coalition to defeat the chosen candidate of the Republican establishment.

The fact remains that Cruz is largely hated in the Senate, and his appeal only extends to the miserably uninformed sh*tkickers that vote in southern primaries. Basically, the GOP race is shaping up to be a bunch of crazy and greedy white guys trying to see who can get the most Sheldon Adelson money, all for the exhilaration to ultimately lose to Hillary.

H/T: The Houston Chronicle|Featured image via Youtube Screengrab and by Michael Hayne of IfYouOnlyNews.com

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