The CPAC conference was a plethora of comedy gold for reasonable people who like what Republicans would call “unreasonable” things. Things like gun safety legislation, fair tax rates, income equality, a greener planet and equal rights for everyone.
The field of GOP clowns who will likely make a run at the White House in 2016 is narrowing. A CPAC straw poll shows the ten front-runners and what kind of support they currently have:
As a reminder of just how ridiculous each and every one of these prospective candidates is, here’s a quote, made famous by each, that should be shared with your conservative friends and of course, crazy Uncle Rudy over Sunday dinner:
- “Just because a couple people on the Supreme Court declare something to be ‘constitutional’ does not make it so” – Rand Paul
- “If I can take on a hundred thousand protesters, I can do the same across the world” – Scott Walker, speaking about the ISIS threat
- “We need a much better understanding of the climate before making policy choices that would impose substantial economic costs on our Nation.” – Ted Cruz
- “ObamaCare is the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. In a way, it is slavery, because it is making all of us subservient to the government.” – Ben Carson
- “(Immigrants) are more fertile- and they love families!” – Jeb Bush
- “I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you… rape victims should make the best of a bad situation.” – Rick Santorum
- “Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to answer that. It’s one of the great mysteries.” – Marco Rubio
- “I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.” – Donald Trump
- “I ran Hewlitt-Packard!” – Carly Fiorina, forgetting that under her watch the company lost half its value and laid off 28,000 workers
- “You know, something may be going down tonight, but it ain’t going to be jobs, sweetheart.” – Chris Christie
This is, unfortunately for the GOP, the best they have to offer. With an accumulated IQ of 53 and more experience with lobbyists than foreign policy, the Republican field of dreams is turning out to be more like a toddler’s sandbox.
Featured Image: Charles Topher