The ten clowns of the first ever Fox News/Facebook debate debacle have been announced, and as promised, Fox went strictly by the numbers. That is fantastic news for democrats looking to watch the farce for entertainment value, as Donald Trump (and that thing on his head) have secured the number one spot, front and center stage.
Here are the clowns, in order of appearance, with their polling percentages posted above:
9. Chris Christie (3.4%)
8. Rand Paul (4.8%)
7. Marco Rubio (5.4%)
6. Ted Cruz (5.4%)
5. Ben Carson (5.8%)
4. Mike Huckabee (6.6%)
3. Scott Walker (10.2%)
2. Jeb Bush (12.0%)
1. Donald Trump (23.4%)
And there you have it, ten absolute morons. The kind of field that you find people out standing in. A pack of candidates that will end up smoked quicker than you can say “Madame President.”
What’s that? You were hoping for some keen commentary on these asshats and their platforms? Well, in my defense I was hoping for a field of Republican candidates that had at least one with a redeeming quality. Just one. But alas, that was far too much to ask.
So there you go. The clown car is empty and the contestants for “Who Wants To Be A Koch Sucking 890 millionaire” are set in stone.
The only thing left to make fun of are the moderators. To be as “fair and balanced” as possible (yes, severe eye rollage occurring), Fox has selected three of their best and brightest.
Of the three, only Chris Wallace has a shred of dignity, and even he has admitted that Fox News tells the “other side” of the story, not the story. Wallace is also notorious for fumbling his way through awkward moments, of which this debate shall provide many.
Next up Bret Baier, neo-Christian nut job who loves to blame black people for America’s problems. He should get along well with…all of them
And last but certainly not least, eye candy. I mean…Megyn Kelly. You can’t get the ridiculous amount of 68 year-old men who tune in to Fox regularly to show up for 10 dudes being questioned by Wallace and Baier; that would be silly.
No, you must have at least one bombshell on stage who may or may not have a wardrobe malfunction at the 41 minute mark. It’s unfortunate that Megyn decided to sell out to such a farce as Fox. She’s actually a very intelligent woman who believes Jesus was the only white man with sandy brown hair and bright blue eyes ever born in the Middle East.
It’s all so very exciting. ten gimps, a couple of idiots and Chris Wallace, who will most likely be sent into a stuttering spree the first time Donald Trump answers a question. It should be epic.
Watch Fox News’ awesomely awesome video of the awesomeness that will be the Republican debate.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com:
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