Here’s What To Expect From The Third GOP Debate


Tonight is the third Republican Clown Car debate on CNBC and we don’t expect a whole lot to come from it.

First of all, CNBC has already proven that they will cave to GOP nonsense when they decided to give into Trumpilstiltskin and Whiny Ben when the two complained about the network’s rules. Apparently the two front runners couldn’t handle two straight hours of hard-hitting questions — this is in stark contrast to Hillary Clinton’s eleven hour Benghazithon last week.

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So what do we expect to hear tonight?

Donald Trump will be the “star” of the show again. We are sure that he will call all of the candidates lame and losers. However, unlike the last two debates, he will most definitely attack Ben Carson who has skyrocketed in the polls. Trump is like a middle school girl who spreads rumors about everyone she is afraid of.

Jeb Bush will stand there looking like an absolute dufus and he will continue to defend his brother “W” while blaming President Obama for ISIS.

Carly Fiorina will spread more nonsense about Planned Parenthood selling baby parts and she will probably have a whole new made up video as proof. Tomorrow she’ll double down on her stupidity and Fox will protect her.

Marco Rubio is probably going to take lots of awkward sips of water and he’ll say some stuff that he’ll flip flop on tomorrow.

Chris Christie And John Kasich have no idea why they are still in this race and neither do we. Nobody will remember anything they say tomorrow.

Rand Paul is going to try to sound super intelligent, but he will once again disappoint his fake-Libertarian father, Ron Paul. Daddy is probably wishing he’d run for president again, but instead he’s being forced to support his idiotic spawn.

Mike Huckabee will just scream “I love Jesus and Kim Davis is my hero!” all night long. He’ll warn us all about The Gay™ and talk about his Cherry-picked Bible. He’s Jesus’ candidate y’all!

Finally we have Ted Cruz. Cruz is going to spend two hours fixated on Obama’s accomplishments, Planned Parenthood, and he’ll probably say something about shutting the government down.

We know they aren’t going to talk about any real issues like the Democrats did. Check back with us to see how many we got right; But, first, go have some alcohol. Republicans are always more fun when you’re drunk.

Featured image via Flickr

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