Dat Phat A$$ And Drew P. Weiner Are Running For President Of The United States


There are a lot of crazy Republican candidates running for office.  About 1200 of those names may not sound familiar to you. Deez Nuts made the rounds of internet fame a few weeks back, but have you had a chance to meet some of his family members?

According to FEC filings, there is also a Deez W. Nuts and perhaps a sister, Hold Ma Nuts. It’s a family full of political Nuts.

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This is democracy, folks. When people come together to participate in the civic process my heart swells with pride and gratitude. It’s easy to opt-out of the rhetoric and the games. The scandal and the pandering can actually make you go blind from all of the eye rolling. The 1200+ candidates who are running for office are what America is all about, and you should know about them.

Dat Phat A$$ is from Spokane, Washington and filed paperwork for the presidency just last month for The Committee of Dat A$$. This is huge. Dat A$$ is listed as a member of the Republican Party, according to a CBS report. He or she could be the only person in the GOP capable of riding this campaign all the way to the White House. Interestingly, another potential candidate from Minnesota might cause some confusion on the ballot. A Mr. Mmmm Dat Ass has also filed for office.

KC Matzo Balls has also announced a candidacy and filed paperwork to open the Misfits of Absence Kognitive Creations Committee. Balls indicates he is an independent candidate, but being from Des Moines, Iowa might give him the hometown advantage in the Iowa Caucus next year.

I’m very excited to hear that Taylor Swift has twice filed paperwork for office, including Vice President. There is nothing I would rather see than a political ticket like Swift/Biden. Imagine the possibilities.

According to a search on the Federal Elections Commission database, candidate AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, AAAAAA is also running.

My favorite, by far, is Drew P. Weenur. Drew is an Independent candidate of Charlotte, North Carolina who opened the Committee to Elect Lord Weenur on September 20th. You might know Drew from The Simpsons episode where Bart calls Australia.

There is another candidate who refuses to be outdone by Weenur: John Andrew Yiamouyiannis of Delaware, Ohio. We all know the importance of Ohio in an election.

To be fair, there are a lot of interesting people, but I’m still holding out for Al Coholic, Seymour Butts and Hugh Jass.

Wednesday night, Late Late Show host James Corden pledged to invite all of these candidates onto his show to discuss their platform. This is certain to be exciting!


Feature image via DonkeyHotey/Flickr

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