This election season is, hands down, the weirdest we have ever seen. We have a businessman who has had more failures than Homer Simpson (sorry, Homer) leading the Republican candidates by double digits. We have a man who wants to make America a Christian theocracy and another who has a stupidly low attendance record for his current job as Senator. Those are just the top three. The ones who dropped out helped to make this election a clown car in the narcissism circus.
It seems like everyone in the GOP has gone bats**t crazy. Friday night’s debate cemented that conclusion. It was like watching very tall toddlers at a playdate from Lord of the Flies. Accusations, rumors, gossip and childish attacks and defenses ruled the night. From Ted Cruz and his boogerly companion to Donald Trump’s weird compunction to make sure everyone knows the size of his penis, the debate was both kooky and creepy.
The biggest takeaway from the debate for almost everyone was the spectacle of Donald Trump trying to imply that his penis was yuuuge without actually coming out and saying that. Trump was responding to a comment Marco Rubio made about the Donald’s freakishly small hands and “you know what they say about men with small hands — ” Rubio later refused to walk the comments back, pointing out that Trump can dish it out but can’t take it.
All this talk about male endowment caught the attention of our pal Alex Jones. This past week, he spoke with Infowars correspondent, Wayne Madsen, about this new preoccupation with Trump’s junk. Madsen put out this “theory”: “there is a low-level murmur in the media about Rubio’s rather ‘gayish’ past.” Um. Sure.
Jones, ever watchful for a way to kiss Trump’s ring, had an inkling why Marco Rubio was so focused on the Donald’s meat and veg.
Rubio’s an expert on men’s members. He knows how to scope them out.
Wait, what? These guys think that Marco Rubio is/was gay? Having never heard this strange rumor, I took to the Google to see what was up with it. Turns out that Rubio did a Chippendales-style dance routine with his fellow football players for a talent competition at his high school. This picture is supposed to “prove” that Rubio was/is “gayish.”
Talk about out-of-context. Also, it seems that Rubio went to a few foam parties in South Beach. Heavens to Murgatroyd! Madsen assures us that:
… it’s been confirmed; when he (Rubio) was going to those parties in South Beach in the 90s… in South Beach, those were exclusively gay events… people are coming out and saying, ‘well I went to a foam party and it wasn’t.’ Well, if it’s in Poughkeepsie, New York maybe not. But if it was in South Beach… it was.
Jones pointed out that Madsen has photos on his website that are proof of Rubio’s “gayishness” because some guy at these parties looked like him. True, there is a picture on Madsen’s website of a foam party. However, there is no proof that it was taken when and where Madsen says it was or that any of those in the photo is Marco Rubio.
Jones then brings up the fact that Rubio was a cheerleader, half of whom are “usually gay” — an assertion he pulls out of his bum. Most Chippendales dancers are also gay, according to Jones. Another rectally-sourced statistic. Makes you wonder how he knows.
Listen, I’m no Marco Rubio fan. But this sort of nonsense is what’s wrong with this election. Imagine what the rest of the world thinks about supposedly serious men, asking to be elected to the most powerful office in our land, who talk about penis size and other such childish prattle. It’s feckless and destructive for candidates to behave like schoolyard children. Can, at least, one of them manage to behave like an adult for a couple of hours? That was a rhetorical question.
Here’s the clip via Right Wing Watch:[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kjcD8fearc&w=640&h=360]
Featured Image via Screen Capture