Former Ravens Running back, Ray “Punchin’ In An Elevator” Rice, caused a media uproar — and pushed an already blemished NFL over the edge — when TMZ released a second video of him knocking out his then fiance in an Atlantic City elevator.
NFL President Roger “not so” Goodell, hoping to do massive damage control and pick up all the penalty flags resulting from his first incredibly light punishment, suspended Rice from the league indefinitely. Despite doing a song and dance and pretending to care as much about domestic violence as he does player safety (Goodell wants to extend the regular season by two games), Goodell found himself boxed in even further.
After it was revealed that both Goodell and the Ravens had previously seen the entire video of the punch but went easy on their star player, Goodell found himself desperately looking for an exit strategy like Bush with Iraq. Similar to Chris Christie’s “I‘m so innocent I’m hiring my own legal firm” investigation of bridgegate, Roger Goodell called on former FBI Director Robert Mueller to lead his own private investigation.
Goodell’s still in hot water over Rice.
But just as Roger Goodell was hoping that he could finally get back to making billionaires richer despite harboring a league of Ike Turners, it was reported that an appeal hearing date has been set for Ray Rice. Further, it seems a final decision is expected to come sooner than later, meaning Rice could very well sign with another team this season. According to CBS, Rice’s legal team has little desire to wait until the NFL and the NFLPA’s investigations are concluded to resolve the matter of Rice’s suspension appeal.
CBS Sports reports:
Rice has maintained he did not lie in his testimony to Commissioner Roger Goodell, and his legal team will make the case that even under the NFL’s new domestic violence policy, and as a first-time offender, Rice should be suspended a maximum of six games, which has already passed.
Now before you start saying “there’s simply no freaking way on dog’s green earth a team will sign this scumbag!” Well, two words: Michel Vick
The Philadelphia Eagles, a sports franchise I just so happen to follow, caused a major stir when they decided to sign Michael Vick immediately after his release from prison for his despicable dog fighting ring. And football fans, not exactly famed for the gentility of penetrating insights on social relations, might readily welcome Ray Rice if he adds value to their stupid Fantasy Team. Ravens fans, however, vehemently expressed their disapproval of Rice when they lined up at Ravens stadium weeks back to discard their Rice jerseys. But have you ever actually encountered a Raider’s fan? I mean, they dress up like Mad Max at games for f**k’s sake.
In Goodell’s NFL, Ray Rice may play while Michael Sam remains unsigned.
The saddest part about all of this–besides the fact that the above Raiders fan gets to vote–is that while little Ike Turner may soon find himself making millions again playing football, Michael Sam has still yet to join a roster despite putting up pretty decent numbers in the Pre-Season with the Rams. Sam was signed onto the Dallas Cowboys practice squad back in early September, but has yet to make the team’s official roster. Surprisingly, the Cowboys defense has played fairly well despite being a chagrined laughingstock last year. And Jerry Jones has repeatedly said that Michael Sam’s homosexuality is a ‘dead issue‘. Perhaps that’s true. however. One still can’t help but question the universe when there’s a distinct chance that little Ike Turner could start in the league again, while Michael Sam still hasn’t played a single down as a professional. Regardless, Roger Goodell might want to consider hiding out in a place where no one will find him in the next month or so. The Jacksonville Jaguars receiving corps might be a good start.
(Featured image: New Civil Rights Movement)