Michele Bachmann may have decided to retire in order to spend more time with the bat sh&t in her cave, but luckily us comedians still have the likes of US Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX). You almost forget that his last name is Gohmert when you hear the man speak, which is sort of like watching a drunk paraplegic walk on the ice.
Stephen Colbert had a jolly good time featuring the best of the Tea Party darling’s phenomenally asinine comments, which ultimately concluded with Gohmert’s latest comments about LGBT Americans not being able to serve in the military due to their apparent penchant for gay massages.
For those of you lucky enough to have missed Gohmert’s comments, here’s what he said.
I’ve had people say, ‘Hey, you know, there’s nothing wrong with gays in the military.’ Look at the Greeks. Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same-sex and would give them massages before they went into battle. But you know what, it’s a different kind of fighting, it’s a different kind of war and if you’re sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into a big, planned battle, then you’re not going to last very long.
It’s guerrilla fighting. You are going to be ultimately vulnerable to terrorism and if that’s what you start doing in the military like the Greeks did … as people have said, ‘Louie, you have got to understand, you don’t even know your history.’ Oh yes I do. I know exactly. It’s not a good idea.
Colbert, combining his trenchant wit with his snappy pop-culture references, told his audience that Gohmert, “knows his history, or he may have just been watching the gay version of the film 300.”
What followed was a fusillade of cutting irony and savage sarcasm that only Colbert can deliver. Here was Colbert, via Crooks and Liars:
I’m with you sir. People have said to me, ‘Stephen, you’ve got to understand, you don’t even know your history. You’re dumb. You’re dense. You’re a mental midget with the IQ of a butter dish whose mind is a black hole that sucks all surrounding thought into it in an infinite singularity of sheer stupidity.
Stephen, I’m surprised you can even dress yourself. I bet you have to rub peanut butter inside your lips to remember to open your mouth to breathe. I have never met, and I hope to never meet again a man so pervasively, astoundingly unyieldingly ignorant.’
To which I say, well then, you haven’t met Louie Gohmert.
Watch it here:
Featured Image Courtesy of Comedy Central