Not a day goes by that we’re not bombarded with a tragicomedy story involving some gun-toting schmuck accidentally shooting and killing himself — or the not-so-funny incidents involving kids shooting themselves with their parents unsecured guns.
Life is now imitating the Simpsons with the recent tragic shooting death of a mother at the hands of her two year-old at a Walmart store. But maybe, in addition to this episode, the Simpsons should’ve also done an episode where Santa’s Little Helper accidentally shoots Homer, considering that we seem to be dealing with dogs accidentally shooting their ‘responsible’ gun owners on a regular basis these days.
Indeed, the only thing that can stop a bad dog with a gun is a good dog with a gun.
These Darwin Award-like stories combine the two greatest things in the world; dogs and goober gun owners accidentally getting shot.
#3. Dog Steps on Rifle and Shoots Wyoming Man
A Wyoming man was accidentally shot by his dog when his dog stepped on his .300 Winchester Magnum. According to local police, the man and two others were trying to move a vehicle that had become stuck. The owner was standing beside his truck when he told his dog to move from the front seat to the back seat. A rifle was in the backseat, which was then accidentally discharged by the dog. No word yet on whether the local police have stopped laughing.
#2. Dog Accidentally Shoots Owner With a 9mm Pistol
Last year, a Florida man was shot when his furry best friend kicked a 9mm gun that was lying on the floor of his truck. The pistol wasn’t locked and wound up hitting the man’s leg. Maybe the dog was part of George Zimmerman’s same neighborhood watch in Florida.
The law stipulates that the gun should have been stowed in the glove compartment or a holster, not on the floor of a truck. Nonetheless, the local police called it an accidental shooting and took the owner’s word that he didn’t know the gun was loaded. No word yet on whether NRA President Wayne LaPierre said that the dog would only have the gun removed from cold dead paws.
#1. Dog Shoots Owner in the Buttocks
You always save the best for last and there’s nothing funnier than someone accidentally getting shot in the ass, but it reaches aneurysm levels of hilarity when it’s a dog that does it. In 2011, two men were duck hunting in Utah when one of the men sat his loaded 12-gauge shotgun across the bow of the boat and climbed out to retrieve decoys. But his dog had other plans.
According to reports, the man’s dog accidentally stepped on the shotgun and hit the man square in the buttocks. Authorities claim the man only suffered minor injuries since apparently he was wearing a Kim Kardashian ass guard or something.
It didn’t seem humanly possible to find a story funnier than Dick Cheney shooting a guy in the face after confusing him with a bird. After all, this is a man who fabricated invading a country so one would expect better casuistry.
Hilarity notwithstanding, all of these stories show why basic gun safety is so very imperative.