It is a few days into the new year and, according to John Oliver, if you haven’t broken your New Year’s Resolution statistically you’re about to. But don’t let it get you down! While Last Week Tonight is still on hiatus, John Oliver threw up a web video to assist those who might need some extra help at keeping their goals.
Instead of beating yourself up because you haven’t gone to the gym yet, simply lower your standards for what counts as exercise to anything that brings your heart rate up.
Exciting to hear, right? In fact getting excited while hearing that could count as exercise if your heart rate just went up! Another idea: Wake up late for work! That’s certain to get your heart rate going! Use a lot of exclamation points when writing! Take a pregnancy test, is another of Oliver’s ideas. If that doesn’t work, have more sex. Sex is such a great workout, and let’s face it, it’s a hell of a lot more fun than any Zumba class.
If lowering your standards doesn’t work, then raise them to incredibly unreachable expectations. Oliver’s example: Resolve to throw out the first pitch at the Yankee’s game on July 4th. Or win an EGOK which is winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and the Kentucky Derby.
Whatever your New Year’s resolution, good luck! I’m off to the gym.
Featured image via screenshot