This Year In Stupid: The Ultimate Guide To 12 Months Of Pure Stupidity


Well, folks, we did it. We survived another year even though the less intelligent of our species threatened our patience and perseverance at every turn. The nearly insane Republicans and their mouthpieces at Fox News never missed an opportunity to refill our cups with fresh, hot and steaming stupidity, racism and bigotry, but we have overcome.

Heck, even Democrats and mainstream news had a few fail moments this year. Stupidity isn’t completely partisan.

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From Amnesty outrage, to the Bundy Ranch showdown, to whining over LGBTQ rights, to terrible journalism, our year was chock-full of dunderheads and dumb asses who added their own special panache when they epitomized the very definition of stupid.

36 Instances of Unforgivable Stupidity in 2014:

Scary January

36. Right wingers boycott after Michelle Obama teams up with Subway: In an effort to curb childhood obesity, Michelle Obama teamed up with the Subway franchise to revise their menu to offer healthy options, such as lowfat milk and fruit instead of soda, cookies and chips. Seems reasonable right? No. The right wingers made it very clear that they would rather stuff their offspring full of crap than visit a restaurant Michelle Obama had touched. Derp.

Mark

35. West Virginia Chemical Spill: Stupidity by Freedom Industries led to this chemical spill that affected 300,000 people. The contamination by Crude MCHM into the Elk River was the result of poor regulation and weak chemical laws in this red state. The company responsible barely participated in bringing potable water to the community and the responsibility landed on citizens’ shoulders. WV actively fights the EPA for its right to pollute. Anyone who says too many regulations by the Environmental Protection Agency are a bad thing need only ask those who depended on the Elk River the effect one contaminated river can have on a community.

West Virginia chemical spill

Over 300,000 West Virginians lose drinking water after chemicals used to clean coal poison the Elk River in West Virginia. Clean Water Hub

34. Fox News hits 145th consecutive month as #1 rated Cable News Channel: The horror.

Futurama

F***ing February!

33. GOP blocks veterans bill: The bill which would expand healthcare and job-related programs for veterans was voted down by GOP Senators, and then blamed on the Democrats. The bill the right-wing had hoped to pass contained Iran sanctions riders, which the Democrats found unnecessary. That didn’t stop the right-wing from telling the public the Democrats were anti-veteran. Sigh.

32. Bill O’Reilly interviews President Obama: In typical Faux fashion, O’Reilly grills Obama on Fox brand issues, meaning issues that barely exist on reality’s radar. President Obama held up well to Bill O’s insane questions about the healthcare website, Benghazi and the IRS “scandal.”

31. AZ Legislature passes anti-gay bill:  A Tea Party/GOP-heavy Ariz.  legislature openly discriminated against the LGBTQ community in Ariz. This particular bill would allow religious business owners to deny service and goods to homosexuals. After much outcry, Arizona’s Governor vetoed the bill, but it still sent the message that red states are still volatile places to be for homosexuals.

March Madness

30. CNN coverage of Malaysian Airplane disappearance: Sure the disappearance of an airliner carrying 227 people is newsworthy, but CNN took it just a little too far and became the Malaysian plane coverage network, yet very little was uncovered of this plane’s disappearance. Anchors even covered the possibility of a black hole opening up and swallowing the plane. It ended up being CNN’s version of “Al Capone’s vault” after the plane was never recovered after several weeks.

Their style of coverage was mocked by Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show”:

29. Sarah Palin rewrites Green Eggs and Ham to diss Obama: Dr. Suess has vowed to haunt her for it.

Here’s the first few lines from her rewrite:

I do not like this, Uncle Sam.
I do not like this healthcare scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks
Or how they lie and cook the books

28. GOP critical of UN report of climate change impact: The fringe of the right-wing still cannot accept that climate change is not some multinational conspiracy and that an overwhelming majority of scientists who are not on energy company payrolls all agree we’re on the brink of disaster if we don’t get a handle on our carbon problem. After the UN released its multinational report, the GOP-controlled House of the U.S. tried to pass a bill that would stop Obama from passing regulations limiting carbon dioxide pollution. Like much of the legislature created by the GOP, it eventually failed.

Aryan April

27. Bundy Ranch Showdown: Cliven Bundy, cattle farmer, declined paying grazing fees for his cattle, which he let graze on federally owned land. Over a 20-year period it was reported he owed upwards of $1 million to the federal government. Anti-government, sovereign citizens seized the moments and arrived in droves on the Bundy Ranch. What ensued was the biggest clusterf*ck of 2014, with fringe nuts pointing sniper rifles at government workers’ heads. Fox News found its hero and gave Bundy full-coverage, which bit the totally not racist news channel in the ass after Bundy made remarks about African-Americans.

Bundy said:

And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do? They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.

Hannity was disgusted! (Snicker)

26. Donald Sterling NBA ban: Sterling also had a bad month as a vile racist after he was recorded by his mixed race girlfriend saying very offensive things towards black men on several different occasions when he asked her not to appear with black men at basketball games or in pictures. Sterling is also well-known for losing a fair housing settlement from evicting minorities from apartment properties he owns. Every attempt he made to clear his name, resulted in more racist remarks and unbridled contempt for Magic Johnson.

Here’s the most sparkling gem of stupidity of all:

I’m not a racist. I made a terrible, terrible mistake.

25. April declared “Confederate History Month” in TX county: Several other states have long celebrated April as Confederate History Month, because some southerners refuse to believe they truly lost the American Civil War.

confederate flag

May-hem

24. Dinesh D’Souza pleads guilty to campaign finance violations: After several months of insisting he was innocent, D’Souza issued a guilty plea for the crime of breaking campaign finance law by using “straw-donors” to donate larger amounts of his money to the Republican Party, but all this basically proved is that white-collar crime pays as he’s later issued a slap on the wrist for a federal felony. A judge handed down a sentence of five-years probation, required mental health counseling and that he must live in a rehab center or halfway house for six months. That’ll teach him!

23. Joe the Plumber’s response to Elliot Rodgers shooting spree: Joe the Plumber, or Sam Wurzelbacher, penned an open letter to the parents of the victims of the killings in Isla Vista and Santa Barbara, CA after the father of one victim said, “Not one more!” Joe’s response? “Your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights.” Bravo Joe, you’re fantastically stupid and need better manners.

22. Anne Coulter’s mocking #Yesallgirls fail: After 276 young girls were kidnapped from a school in Nigeria by terrorists Boko Haram, the world came together to support finding the students before they were sold into sex-slavery. Coulter, the eternal stick-in-the-mud, couldn’t have cared less, and posted her own hashtag on Twitter. The response from the internet was pretty hilarious though.

June Jugheads

21. Bill O’Reilly thinks he’s the second most powerful man in the U.S.: After throwing fellow Fox News hosts under the bus while being interviewed by Geraldo Rivera, calling Shep Smith and Greta Van Susteren liberals, O’Reilly had some bold words for himself, reminding us all he has a severe lack of self-awareness.

A few quotable quotes from that interview:

[On running for office] I don’t want to get involved in a system where I have to promise people stuff for money. It’s as simple as that. I have more power than everybody except the president. I can get things done.

I’m not Rush Limbaugh or Al Franken, where everything has to fit into my worldview. . . I’m a fact-based guy. A lot of people don’t understand that.

Naaahhh.

20. SCOTUS rules in favor of Hobby Lobby case: This was an outrageously terrible decision by the Supreme Court which considered unscientific evidence to be presented as fact in the court. The lie of the year was that alternatives to pill-form birth control, like the intrauterine device, was an abortifacient, when it is in fact not, which was at odds with the owners’ religious beliefs. Hobby Lobby (and other “small” businesses) gained the right to make the “whores” pay for their own contraception coverage. This decision also paves the way for other businesses to make choices for women regarding their reproductive organs. All the women Supreme Court judges voted against Hobby Lobby. P.S. Insurance companies love contraception coverage.

SCOTUS

Ginsburg was LIVID about the Hobby Lobby ruling. MTV

19. Bryan Fischer confuses European and U.S. gay marriage law: TL;DR version: Denmark same-sex couples win right to be married by churches in their country. Fischer claims U.S. is not far behind. However, in Denmark, the church is part of the state. In our country, no such laws exist if a church has claimed 501(c)(3) tax-exempt status, but nice try Fischer.

Jingoistic July

18. Israeli/Hamas conflict begins: Sean Hannity made an ass of himself for his coverage of the conflict. After inviting a Palestinian guest, Hannity tries to paint the conflict with a broad brush and label all associated with Hamas as terrorists.

17. Conservatives show true colors on being Pro-life: Michigan Republican candidate Tom Wassa said that migrant children have “known gang affiliations and diseases,” and therefore should not be housed in the U.S. Of course, Wassa’s claims, among many other Republicans, were not true, nor did letting the children into the U.S. create an atmosphere of “fear and terror.” FAIL!

16. Adam Kwasman yells at bus full of YMCA campers: Kwasman was running for Congress and at the height of the right-wing outrage over migrant children being sheltered in the U.S., the Republican candidate ran to yell at a bus full of kids, which he thought the government was transporting. “I was able to actually see some of the children on the buses, the fear on their faces, this is not compassion.” Um, yeah, those were YMCA campers, dum-dum.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Klg-dLZxy8E

Atrocious August

15. Right-wing on Ferguson: I’ve never seen more atrocious journalism than Fox News,  Ann Coulter, The Blaze and conservative blogs covering the Michael Brown case. Public opinion was purposefully swayed to support Darren Wilson before facts were in by spreading false information. They also reported hearsay as fact and showed pictures of an orbital blowout fracture that was not Darren Wilson’s.

In a Fox post, Holly McKay reported:

Darren Wilson, the Ferguson, Mo., police officer whose fatal shooting of Michael Brown touched off more than a week of demonstrations, suffered severe facial injuries including a bone fracture near one eye and was nearly beaten unconscious by Brown moments before firing his gun, a source close to the department’s top brass told FoxNews.com.

Below are two lies reported on by the right-wing media:

(Right) A CT Scan reported to be Darren WIlson's by The Blaze. (Left) Picture reported to be Wilson by other right wing media blogs. Both are incorrect. Fox and other larger right wing news organizations reported that Darren Wilsonhad suffered a blowout fracture according to these images. All of it was a lie.

(Right) A CT Scan reported to be Darren WIlson’s by The Blaze. (Left) Picture reported to be Wilson by other right wing media blogs. Both are incorrect. Fox and other larger right wing news organizations reported that Darren Wilson had suffered a blowout fracture according to these images. All of it was a lie.

14. Shep Smith on Robin Williams suicide: Smith is usually the voice of reason (somewhat) on Fox News, but after Robin Williams’ suicide, he admonished Williams for being “a coward.” C’mon, Shep!

13. Rick Perry Indicted: Former Governor Perry was indicted on first-degree felony charges for abuse of official capacity when he threatened to veto $7.5 million dollars in funds for the Public Integrity Unit. The second charge was a third-degree felony for public servant coercion, after trying to force a public servant into resigning after she was charged with a DUI. No conclusion has been reached yet, but Perry originally laughed off the charges and is taking them a bit more seriously these days.

September Simpletons

12. Brian Kilmeade on Ray Rice: After Rice was arrested for domestic violence and a video was released by TMZ showing Rice knocking his then-fiance, Janay Rice unconscious in an elevator, Brian Kilmeade from “Fox & Friends” quipped that the lesson here was, “Next time, take the stairs.” Facepalm.

images

11. Price of Gold plummets for third straight month: Sorry Glenn Beck fans, Libertarians and Paulbots, if your heroes duped you into investing into gold, just turn those nuggets into Bitcoins.

10. First U.S. case of Ebola, hysteria hits U.S.: Fox News and other GOP politicians misreported the facts on Ebola, were critical of the Center for Disease Control and pressed for travel bans to/from Africa. The right-wing took this story and literally ran away with it. Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-GA) says that Ebola-infected immigrants will bring the disease over the southern border. Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) said Americans were told they would be Ebola-free. False, and false. The GOP ramped up hysteria as three more cases were discovered in the U.S. and continued until November 4th.

October Outrage

9. GOP meltdown ensues when SCOTUS declines to hear appeals to same-sex marriages: After SCOTUS declined to hear any more appeal to marriage laws against same-sex couples, several states won the right to marry their LGBTQ couples, which of course, sparked the ire of many on the right. Perhaps most notable was Florida Attorney General, Pam Bondi.

The twice-divorced AG wrote:

The promotion of family continuity and stability is a legitimate state interest. Florida’s marriage laws, then, have a close, direct, and rational relationship to society’s legitimate interest in increasing the likelihood that children will be born to and raised by the mothers and fathers who produced them in stable and enduring family units.

8. GOP Congressional candidate calls homosexuals “Gremlins”: South Carolina man, Anthony Culler, ran for Congress on LGBTQ hatred and made several offensive Facebook posts (now deleted) where he likened homosexuals to Gremlins from the movie “Gremlins.” Work on your analogies, and your unbridled bigotry, Mr. Culler.

7. CO Police predicts medical marijuana ending up in trick-or-treat bags: Denver police created a PSA warning parents about medical marijuana “edibles” being given to unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. Let’s cut to the chase, not one child was reported having received pot-laced candy on Halloween in Denver or any other part of Colorado where marijuana is legal.

No-Show-vember

6. Democrats forget to vote: Hey, you, we missed you on Election Day! While I understand that there weren’t the greatest choices on the ballot in some places, it still would have been nice to give the GOP some competition. Now they have control over Congress. So, you know, next election do you think you can find the time and F@$KING vote? Thanks.

5. Don Lemon gives rape advice to Cosby victimIn an interview with alleged Bill Cosby rape victim, Joan Tarshis, Don Lemon asked the victim why she didn’t bite Cosby in the d*ck, essentially coming off as blaming Tarshis for not doing more to stop her assault. The Internet fought back and Lemon was named one of the worst journalists of the year by the Columbia Journalism Review.

4. Mo. Grand Jury decides not to indict Darren Wilson: I’m not saying there should have been an indictment, but there should have been an indictment. This case was poorly-handed by the state prosecutor and after the transcripts were released, it’s easy see that Darren Wilson’s story went unchallenged. Not that an indictment would have ended with a guilty charge, but it would have been a great case to set a new precedent with. So, I’m calling the grand jury stupid on this one.

December Dummies

3. Kirk Cameron movie bombs in theaters: The “Growing Pains” star released a movie this year about Christmas, how a person can still have all the commercialism of Christmas but still love “the Jesus.” This movie was rated the worst movie of all time on IMDB and had a zero percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. What was he thinking?!

Stinkbomb. Facebook

Stinkbomb. Facebook

2. Fox loves torture: After the Senate Intelligence Committee, Fox News hosts grabbed their brooms to sweep the news under the rug. Every single Fox host favored torture, even though the kind of torture used was illegal, inhumane and never yielded any critical information. Sexual assault and object rape were among the CIA’s torture practices, but regardless, Fox News paraded out biased guests to lie to the American people that it was necessary. Even though at least 20 percent of those tortured or detained were completely innocent. And what was their biggest bait and switch tactic? Blame Obama for bombing people with drones.

1. Pope expected to urge Catholics to climate change action, Evangelicals mad: Calvin Beisner, a well-payed evangelical Koch whore, has described the Pope’s support of action on climate change to be, “an insult to God.” Beisner runs the Cornwall Alliance website, which is dedicated to bashing climate action and all things liberal.

Beisner also said:

The Catholic church is correct on the ethical principles but has been misled on the science. It follows that the policies the Vatican is promoting are incorrect. Our position reflects the views of millions of evangelical Christians in the US.

And that’s our year! Despite all the stupid rejects, we made it, and now we can put this year behind us, perhaps learn from it and keep pressing forward and taking time to laugh off the stupid so it doesn’t make us crazy. There was so much stupid to choose from and little space to fit it all in, so if we overlooked something fantastically dumb, feel free to leave it in the comments.

H/T: America | Photo: Car-memes

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